Yesterday was by far my most challenging day emotionally. I started my day bawling and ended my day the same. We really weren't sure if it was the meds or just the entire situation. I could not get a grip on my emotions.
I literally sit in the same spot all day and night. Yeah I get up to go to the bathroom or fill my water jug for the 15th time, but that's it. If I try much more than that I'm left shaking and weak or light headed. I typically never.stop.moving. It's who I am and how I'm built. I'm super organized and can get an amazing amount of stuff done in a short amount of time. This whole ordeal has been a major reality check. I can't help but wonder if it's my "slow down" card.
I decided I just couldn't let today be the same. Sure it did actually feel good to cry, but it was also so confusing. So this morning at six, I got up and had Bear lead me down the steps so I could pick out my own clothes. Then I got myself in the shower and dressed. By the end of getting dressed I was sitting on the side of the tub with my head between my knees praying I wouldn't pass out. Bear got me to my chair and I was able to wrap my leg and get my brace back on. All.by.Myself (I feel like I need to call Mercer Mayer for that one). Bear just said, "there's my independent little momma." I was proud of myself for doing it and didn't feel so helpless for once. "Baby steps" and "one day at a time" are on repeat in my head
I'm in a challenge group for my oil business and we all had to choose one word for the year 2016.
My word for 2016 is strength
I literally sit in the same spot all day and night. Yeah I get up to go to the bathroom or fill my water jug for the 15th time, but that's it. If I try much more than that I'm left shaking and weak or light headed. I typically never.stop.moving. It's who I am and how I'm built. I'm super organized and can get an amazing amount of stuff done in a short amount of time. This whole ordeal has been a major reality check. I can't help but wonder if it's my "slow down" card.
I decided I just couldn't let today be the same. Sure it did actually feel good to cry, but it was also so confusing. So this morning at six, I got up and had Bear lead me down the steps so I could pick out my own clothes. Then I got myself in the shower and dressed. By the end of getting dressed I was sitting on the side of the tub with my head between my knees praying I wouldn't pass out. Bear got me to my chair and I was able to wrap my leg and get my brace back on. All.by.Myself (I feel like I need to call Mercer Mayer for that one). Bear just said, "there's my independent little momma." I was proud of myself for doing it and didn't feel so helpless for once. "Baby steps" and "one day at a time" are on repeat in my head
I'm in a challenge group for my oil business and we all had to choose one word for the year 2016.
My word for 2016 is strength
streNG(k)TH/
noun
1. the quality or state of being strong, in particular.
2. a good or beneficial quality or attribute of a person or thing.
I had tossed around a few other words like: balance, intentional and commitment. But the major trauma last Sunday has flipped my world upside down. I have strength, I always have and I think I always will, but the strength I need now is so very different.
I'm sassy and spunky and a fighter naturally for all things and people. I want to be the good in the world and trust that it's always going to exist. But more recently I've had to really look at just how strong I really am. I've accepted food and help from others, who are all too willing to help out, that is so not me. I'm not one for handouts. I'm always the one organizing this kind of stuff. I've had to have someone help me walk and shower. I'm a VERY independent woman and it's humbling to let them help me with the simplest of things.
I'm sassy and spunky and a fighter naturally for all things and people. I want to be the good in the world and trust that it's always going to exist. But more recently I've had to really look at just how strong I really am. I've accepted food and help from others, who are all too willing to help out, that is so not me. I'm not one for handouts. I'm always the one organizing this kind of stuff. I've had to have someone help me walk and shower. I'm a VERY independent woman and it's humbling to let them help me with the simplest of things.
These everyday, simple tasks are requiring a different level of strength from me. They are making me let go of myself and allowing me to find the strength from within to allow people to help. I've always been the person running all over for others...to have someone offer to help me and for me to accept it is a huge test of my strength. And I'm doing it.
It's scary being vulnerable, but I have strength and will overcome any obstacle that life throws my way. For now I am taking this "unwelcomed" time off to take a hard look at where my weaknesses are in my business and life and where I need to strengthen them.
Thank you to all of you who are out there praying and thinking of me, for helping with meals, for the visits, for the flowers, for the goodie boxes, for everything...I won't ever forget it.
#iamstrong
4 comments
Love you so Miss Becky!! You are just amazing! You've got this!! You can do this!! We are all here for you!!
Hey Becky,
You have given so much to others. Others want to give back to you. It gives us all strength to be able to help you on this new phase in your life. Each day is a new day which you are finding can be harder than the day before but each day is one more day in your healing. Love and good thoughts to you and your family! One day at a time.
hi Becky- you are a strong lady and will get through this. Just don't be in too much of a hurry and push yourself to hard. Sometimes the Almighty sends us things to make us "slow down and smell the roses". Sounds like you are starting to realize this and taking a look at your life. Some call it a wake up call. Whatever you call it- listen to it. I have never been laid up as you are but when I broke my wrist last spring I had to get help with a lot of things and for independent, strong willed women- it isn't easy. You are in my prayers. Heal quickly. Don't worry about the tears-they are a good thing!! It is your bodies way of releasing all the tension and stress you've been under. When Bill was still home-I use cry in the shower almost daily so I could face another day. Sometimes I even showered when I didn't need to just so Bill wouldn't hear me -how bad was that!! take care
Linda
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Oh Becky, you are soooo amazing. What you see as needing help is actually your way of allowing all of us to be strong. There are so many of us strong willed women, yet sometimes we need a little guidance to find ways to express our strength. Thank you for reminding me that one of my own strengths lies in being able to help someone ask for help.
I love you, and am sending you positive energy and my strength. Take as much or little as you need today and always.
My word...freedom. #oneword364
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